Walt You - 行是知之始

PowerPhrases

2021-01-22
Soft Skills
 

Maybe someone of you have heard about《PowerPhrases》which have another name called “The perfect words to Say it Right and Get the Results you want”.

Is it looks interesting for you ? let’s start read it.

Overview

The brain graph abou this books is:

What is it used for?

  • Assure common understanding.
  • Clear up conflict.
  • Establish a connection.
  • Get what you want.
  • Refuse what you don’t want.

What is PowerPhrases?

PowerPhrase: A short, specific expression that gets results by saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and not being mean when you say it.

  • A PowerPhrase Is a SHORT Expression.
    • Less is more!
      • “I have a dream!”
  • PowerPhrases Get RESULTS
  • PowerPhrases Say What You Mean
    • Do you really say what you mean? Or do you avoid clarity to avoid a reaction?
    • NOT: “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
    • YES: “This is a problem. We need to find a solution.”
  • With PowerPhrases You Mean What You Say!
    • You need back your words up with actions.
  • PowerPhrases Avoid Being Mean
    • PowerPhrases Avoid Sarcasm.
    • PowerPhrases Avoid Overkill.
    • PowerPhrases Avoid Assumption of Guilt.
    • PowerPhrases Avoid Attempts to Outsmart the Other Person With Wit.

PowerPhrase wisdom says, before you speak, ask yourself:

  1. Is it short?
  2. Is it specific?
  3. Is it focused?
  4. Does it truly say what I mean?
  5. Do I intend to back my words with action?
  6. Am I being kind in my choice of words?

Poison Phrases vs PowerPhrases

1. Avoid Filler Poison Phrases

Qualifiers, hedges and softener phrases weaken your message. Anything you say that does not add to your message makes it weaker:

— Well…

— Sort of…

— I just…

— I would tend to…

— I guess…

Use:

  • This is the best proposal…

Instead of :

  • You know?
  • Isn’t it?
  • Right?
  • Do you see?

2. Replace Indecisive Poison Phrases WithDecisive PowerPhrases

Speak with certainty and decisiveness. If you cannot be certain on one position, express what you can be certain about.

Avoid Replace with
I should… I will…
I’ll try… I will…
I might be able to… What I can commit to is…
I sort of think… I know…
It’s just my opinion… I believe…
I would tend to think… I think…
You might want to consider… I recommend…

3. Replace Poison Phrases That Deflect Due Credit and Replace Them With PowerPhrases That Accept Due Credit

Avoid Replace with
I got lucky. I worked hard.
It was nothing… Thanks for noticing.
This old thing? Thank you.
Anyone could have… I’m pleased with the outcome too.

4. Replace Negative Poison Phrases With Positive PowerPhrases

Avoid Replace with
Everything went wrong… I learned from some setbacks.
I’ll have to… I’ll be glad to…
I can’t… What I can do is…
I am spending time… I am investing time…
I’m no good at… I’m getting better at…
You’ll have to excuse… Here it is…
If only I had… Starting now I will…
This is bad… What good can we get out of this?
I can’t get to this until… I can get to this by…
Don’t forget to…(log off of your computer.) Be certain to…(log off of your computer.)

5. Replace Absolute Poison Phrases and Labels With Accurate PowerPhrases

Avoid Replace with
You always… On several occasions you have…
I never… Up until now I have not…
Everything… Many things…
You’re lazy. Your performance is not up to standard.
You are incompetent. There are several mistakes here that need to be fixed.

6. Replace Victim Poison Phrases With PowerPhrases That Place Responsibility and Emphasis Where It Is Due

Avoid saying:

  • You make me so mad.

  • You make me feel wonderful !

Those phrases imply you have no control over your own emotions. You don’t want to send that message. Avoid implying that you do not have the ability to choose alter- native thoughts and behaviors.

You may have heard it suggested that you should replace accusative sounding “you” statements with “I” state- ments, such as:

  • I feel angry when you…

  • I feel wonderful when you…

If the subject of your communication is your anger or wonderful feelings, the above statements are appropriate and accurate PowerPhrases. If the subject is something else, the above statements are not PowerPhrases.

If the point you want to make is that Joe’s tardiness caus- es you all kinds of problems, do not make Joe or yourself the subject of the communication. Rather than saying:

— You make me mad when you come late.

or:

— I get angry when you are late.

Use a PowerPhrase to Place Responsibility and Em- phasis Where It Is Due, such as:

  • Starting late causes serious problems which we need to address.

Do not say:

— You are not being clear. (Accusatory)

— I am not following you. (Makes you the subject.)

Instead use a PowerPhrase to Place Responsibility and Emphasis Where It Is Due, such as:

  • Please clarify this point.

  • That last point is not clear to me.

7. Replace Hints and Vague Poison Phrases With Specific PowerPhrases

Avoid Replace with
I sure wish someone would… Will you…
I’d like to have something like… I want ___ by___ because___.
You need to do a better job. Your performance needs to be improved. Here are the criteria for acceptable performance. Number one…

8. Avoid Emotional Poison Phrases in Business Situations Where Factual Action-Based PowerPhrases Hold More Power

Avoid Replace with
I feel great about this proposal. This proposal will improve our bottom line by ___.
I don’t like this idea. There are three serious problems with this idea. First…
I am angry about this delay. How do you plan to get back on schedule after this delay?

9. Avoid Passive Poison Phrases and Replace With Active PowerPhrases

Avoid Replace with
The acquisition contract was signed by the CFO. The CFO signed the acquisition contract.
The bone was buried by the dog. The dog buried the bone.

How to say “No”

The Three-Step Process for Saying “No”

When You Refuse a Request, ACT!

1. Acknowledge their request.

Say something to recognize their request. Make a short comment to let them know that you heard them and you are considering what they said.

2. Clarify your Circumstance.

Tell them a little bit about your own situation. Be brief. Mention what it is that keeps you from being able to honor their request.

3. Transform your refusal into a positive. Suggest alternatives or make a comment that reaffirms the relationship such as:

  • Some other time.

Put them all together and you have a three-step “no.”

  • It sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately I have other priorities. Perhaps next time I can.
Acknowledge Circumstances Transform
I understand this is important. My situation is … Perhaps next time.
Ordinarily I would love to help. My policy is … Thanks for asking.
I appreciate you thinking of me. I have other plans… I’m sure you’ll find the right person you need.
I would if I could. I have other involvements. Have you considered..?
I wish I could help out here. I’m not well-suited to do what you want. Here’s an option…
I see you need help. After looking at my calendar I see I can’t give you the help you need. Have you considered asking ___?
I’m honored that you thought of me. After realizing the scope of the request, I choose to pass. I wish you success.

Saying “No” in Two Parts

When you say no in two parts, it sounds stronger. Some people’s sensitivity causes them to hear the slightest hint of “no” as a personal rejection and they need a softer ver- sion. Use all three steps for them. Others do not take it as personally, and a two-part no works well.

There are some people that will argue with and attempt to manipulate anything we say. A two-part no works better with these.

Acknowledge Circumstances Transform
I’d love to. However, I am busy.  
Thanks for asking. Not this time.  
  My boss has already scheduled my time. If you want, you can ask her.
Sounds interesting. I have other commitments.  
  I have a 3:00 deadline. I wish I could.

Power Thinking to the Rescue

What are you telling yourself that keeps you from saying “no”? Don’t think:

— If I say no, they may not like me.

— I better be nice.

— I shouldn’t say what I think.

Instead, use Power Thinking. Think:

  • What are my true priorities?

  • What response best serves my true priorities?

  • How can I communicate that as graciously and effectively as possible?

When a Simple “NO” Is a PowerPhrase

Stronger PowerPhrases can be called for when:

  1. The listener is unusually direct,

  2. The listener is manipulative or a “taker,” or

  3. The listener hears acknowledgement as uncertainty or as an opening.

Turning Your NO Into a Negotiation

Sometimes, rather than completely refusing a request or offer, you can suggest alternatives. For example, when one assistant was asked to make copies, she said she would love to but she had a huge stack of orders to file. Then she used the PowerPhrase:

  • I’ll do it if you’ll…(help file orders).
Acknowledge Circumstances Transform
I know this project is top priority. In order to meet the deadline I need to have uninterrupted time. I can do this if you’ll answer the phones.
I know this is important. I am working on the XYZ account. Which is the priority?
    What can I put aside to make time to complete this?

PowerPhrases That Buy You Time

Delay phrases lack the power of a clear refusal, but are superior to a yes when you do not mean it. Learn the PowerPhrases for Buying Time.

  • Let me get back to you.
  • I need to check on a few things before answering you.
  • I need to give this consideration before responding.
  • Let me think about it and let you know.
  • I’ll see what I can do and tell you tomorrow.

When They Ask, “Will You Do Me a Favor?”

Avoid saying:

— Sure.

Instead, use a PowerPhrase for Getting Clarification Before Agreeing, such as:

  • What do you need?
  • I just might! What is it?
  • Tell me what and I’ll see.
  • I need to know what the favor is before I can answer you.

PowerPhrases That Transform Conflicts Into Understanding

Power Thinking to the Rescue

Avoid thinking:

— I better avoid this disagreement. — I can’t handle conflict. — Who do they think they are?

Instead, choose Power Thoughts, such as:

  • There is a solution here.
  • Conflict is a normal part of life and we will get to the other side.
  • I can stay calm and express myself gracefully.
  • What do I want? What do they want? How can we resolve this?

When conflicts arise, you must know how to make your CASE! That means:

  • Clarify their position
  • Assert your position
  • Seek solutions and
  • Evaluate options and create agreements.

1: Clarifying Their Position

Seek first to understand, and make it clear to them that you do. Then seek to be understood.

Ask Clarifying Questions

You will get excellent results when you demonstrate interest and concern as the first step in managing conflict. Explore your assumptions by asking questions. Ask your questions gracefully.

Watch out for set-up questions like:

  • Why…?
  • Why don’t you ever…?
  • Why do you always…?

Also avoid accusative, closed-ended questions that result in defensiveness, such as:

  • Did you do that to sabotage me?
  • Are you out to get me?

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Ask Clarifying Questions, such as:

  • Help me to understand…
  • Let me make sure I understand you clearly…
  • Are you aware…? (I LOVE this one!)
  • Your intentions are not clear to me. Can you help me out here?
  • What did you mean by…?

Acknowleage Without Agreeing

Many of their answers will probably anger or upset you. But we should keep listening to them, and continue to seek to understand. It won’t help you to say:

— That is a ridiculous idea! — You are kidding, right? — How could you possibly think that? — You’re wrong!

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Acknowledge Without Agreeing, such as:

  • I see. Tell me more.
  • This is a big issue for you.
  • I might feel that way if I was in your shoes.
  • That’s an interesting perspective.
  • I did not realize that you felt that way.
  • I had not considered that perspective.
  • Please continue.
  • That may be.
  • I appreciate your sharing your experience. What else do I need to know?

Ask Questions That Confirm Understanding

At various intervals, use PowerPhrases to Ask Questions That Confirm Understanding, such as:

  • This is my understanding of what you are saying… What do I still need to know to understand your perspective?
  • What I hear you saying is… Is my understanding correct?

2. Assert Your Own Position

Use a PowerPhrase for Requesting Uninterrupted Time to Express Yourself, such as:

  • You acknowledge that I understand your position. Will you give me five minutes of uninterrupted time to explain mine?
  • You have made some valid points that make a lot of sense from where you stand. Please hear me out as I describe how it looks to me.
  • Are you ready to hear how I see it?

There are three steps to asserting your position in conflict: (A) Describe the problem, (B) communicate the impact, and (C) request a new behavior.

A. Describe the problem

Think of yourself as an attorney. Attorneys cannot say:

— You are out to get me. — Obviously, my assignments are of a low priority to you. — You micromanage. — You never respond to me. — I think you were raised in a barn.

Attorneys must state facts as facts, and leave out opinions.Use PowerPhrases for Describing the Negative Behavior, such as:

• When…

• I notice…

• The other day…

• When I… you…

Filled in, these sentence stems can sound like the following:

  • When… the time for the meeting regarding the Smith account was changed…
  • I notice that… the assignment I gave you was moved to the bottom of your project sign-in sheet.
  • The other day… you checked my work 14 times.
  • When I spoke… you did not respond.

Power Thinking to the Rescue

Certainly you do want to consider their perspective, but do not let their perspective become more important than your own. It won’t help you to say:

*— I must be crazy. — They must be crazy. — I shouldn’t be thinking and feeling this way.**

Instead, use Power Thinking, such as:

  • I am the authority on my view of the situation.

  • They are the authority on their view of the situation.
  • They have a right to their opinion, and I have a right to mine.
  • I have a right to express my opinion.

B. communicate the impact

Watch out for words like:

— It messes everything up. (Too vague)

— I think you don’t trust me. (Blaming)

Instead, use a PowerPhrase for Expressing the Impact of a Behavior, such as:

  • What happens is…
  • The impact is…
  • I think…
  • I feel… (Consider the cautions for “I think” and “I feel” in Chapter 2 before using them.)
  • The effect is…

Filled in these can sound like:

  • What happens is… I feel alienated from the team.
  • The impact is… I do not receive my work on time and I do not present well at the meeting.
  • I think… I’m not trusted.
  • I feel… uncomfortable.
  • The effect is… I get confused and make more mistakes.

C. request a new behavior

Avoid saying: — Do this… (Sounds dictatorial) — Don’t do that… (Talk about what you WANT, not what you do not want.) — You need to… (Be very careful of sentences that start with “you.” It can sound controlling.)

Instead, use a PowerPhrase for Requesting a New Behavior, such as:

  • I need…
  • I want…
  • What I want to see happen is…
  • I prefer…
  • What would work better is…
  • What needs to happen is…
  • I need… to be advised of changes as they occur.
  • I want… us to work out a standard system for prioritizing work.
  • I prefer… to work on my own, checking in at regularly scheduled intervals.

D. Consequences

When you express consequences, it is far better to explain the benefits of cooperating than the costs of noncooperation. However, there is a place for both.

Watch out for words like:

— Do this or else…(Threatening)

— If I were you…(Condescending)

— You are forcing me to…(Accusatory)

Instead, use a PowerPhrase for Explaining Conse- quences, such as:

  • This will…
  • The benefit to you is…
  • If this happens again, I will…
  • Next time this happens I will…
  • What this means for you is…
Problem Impact: Thoughts/ Feelings/Effect Request Consequence
I sent three inquiries without receiving a response. I think I am being ignored. I need a prompt acknowledgement of my inquiries and an indication of when my request will be granted. This will keep me from inundating you with repeated requests.
My situation is that I have been here for three months and I still do not have a workstation of my own. I feel frustrated. What happens is I have to carry my materials to wherever I can find a station, and it takes quite a while to sort them out. My request is that the next time someone leaves, I be given their desk. The benefit to you is I will be more efficient in my work.
When you sell products that were designed for my department… The effect is that my claims of exclusivity to my clients are invalidated and they lose trust in me. I need you to stop selling our line. I recommend that you request products to be designed exclusively for your department. If this happens again I will bring the issue to the supervisor.
When I speak, I notice you are reading the paper. I believe that you cannot listen to me and read the paper at the same time. Please give me your full attention. Next time this happens I will wait until I have your full attention to speak.
The other day you spoke with my staff about turnaround times. They were upset by the way you addressed them and the standards you expressed. They were so upset that very little work got done that day. I suggest we meet and find a solution to this problem together. –

3: Seeking Solutions

Use a PowerPhrase to Request That You Negotiate Solutions Together, such as:

  • What I want to see happen is for us to negotiate solutions together.
  • I suggest that we kick around a few ideas to see what solutions we can come up with.
  • If we could come up with a solution that works for us both, would you be interested?
  • What would it take to make my request possible?
  • I believe we can work this out to both of our satisfaction. Will you work with me on this?
  • I need your help to resolve this.

It suggests that you both complete the following PowerPhrases for Seeking Solutions:

• I think I should…

• You think you should…

• I think you should…

• You think I should…

Find the points of agreement, and combine the lists into:

• We think we should…

4: Evaluating Options and Building Agreements

For each option, use PowerPhrases to Evaluate Options, such as:

  • Does this option solve the problem?
  • Can you and I both live with this option?
  • Is there any way to improve this option?
  • Is it realistic?
  • Are you and I both willing to commit to it in writing?

f they resist and say that obviously you do not trust them, say:

  • Putting it in writing ensures we have the same understanding.
  • My policy is to get agreements as clear as possible to avoid surprises later.
  • Follow-up enables us to review our decisions in case a situation arises that we did not consider.

At follow-up, ask:

  • How is it working for you?
  • What needs to change?
  • Is there anything we did not anticipate?

Exit Lines

Knowing when to stop talking is as important as knowing when to start. If you are upset and emotional, DO NOT CONTINUE! Instead, use an exit line to remove yourself and give yourself time to gain perspective. Here is what you DON’T want to say:

— I am out of here…(Too abrupt) — There is no talking to you…(Accusatory) — This is a waste of time… (Negative) — You are an idiot…(Insulting)

Instead, use a PowerPhrase Exit Line, such as:

  • I need to check on some things before continuing this discussion. Let’s meet again at…
  • I need to take some time to regain perspective before answering you. Let’s talk again Friday.
  • My policy is not to discuss emotionally charged subjects when I am upset. I need some time now. Let’s talk later.
  • You deserve respect. Right now, I’m so angry I can’t offer you that. I need ____ minutes.
  • I’m afraid if we continue this discussion I’ll say something I will regret. Let’s give it a 24-hour rest.
  • I value our work relationship too much to speak when I am as upset as I am now. Let’s pick this up tomorrow.
  • I think it is possible that one of us might say something we will wish we hadn’t. Let’s meet later when we are calmer.

Be aware of two important points about using an exit line.

  1. Always say when you will be back.

  2. After you use the line, you need to LEAVE! Do not say it unless you mean it.

Defusing Anger

Do not resist anger. Defuse it instead.

If they are hurling accusations at you, avoid words like:

  • That is not true! (Makes them more certain that it is.)
  • How dare you! (Accusatory.)
  • Shut up! (Makes them want to talk all the more.)

Avoid saying:

  • Calm down! (Invalidates their emotions.)
  • Be reasonable! (Points out that they are not being reasonable, which inflames them more.)
  • Can’t you see how right I am? (Or anything that they will interpret this way.)
  • I do not have to put up with this! (They think you deserve it and are avoiding responsibility.)

There are six main ways to defuse anger: (1) Listen, (2) Agree, (3) Ask Specific Questions to Focus Them, (4) Use Humor, (5) Stand Up to Them and (6) Go For a Solution.

1. Listening to Defuse Anger

When listening to an angry person you will need to use PowerPhrases to Acknowledge Without Agreeing, such as:

  • I can see you feel strongly about this.
  • I did not know you felt that way.
  • Tell me more.
  • What else concerns you?

2. Using Agreement to Defuse Anger

Here are words to avoid:

— Ninety-nine things you said are wrong. — How can you think that? — Aren’t you ignoring the following 200 facts?

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Defuse Anger by Agree- ing, such as:

  • The point you made about ___ hits home.
  • That may be…
  • I don’t blame you for being upset about…
  • I hate it when that happens to me too!
  • I get angry too when…

Power Thinking to the Rescue

Observe your thoughts when someone is venting anger at you. Some thoughts that will get you in trouble are:

— I’ve got to stop them.

— They have their nerve.

— I can’t handle this!

Instead, use Power Thoughts, such as:

  • Stay calm.
  • What can I say to calm them down?
  • What do they need in this moment?
  • What is the issue behind their emotion?
  • What might they be afraid of?

3. Ask Specific Questions to Defuse Anger

When they are out of control in anger, this is not the time to say: — That’s not true. — You’re wrong. — How dare you! — Yeah but you…

Instead, use a PowerPhrase for Diffusing Anger Through Inquiry, such as:

  • Exactly what do I say or do that leads you to believe that…
  • You just said that … (I lied, I am stupid, etc….) Will you explain what you mean by that?
  • To really understand your point, I need specific examples.

4. Using Humor to Defuse Anger

Avoid humor at the expense of the angry person. Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Defuse Anger With Humor, such as:

  • Someone must have switched stupid pills with my vitamins.
  • You know, Brad Pitt was saying the exact same thing to me last week!
  • I wonder if my mother dropped me on my head as a baby!
  • Don’t hurt me! I’m a grandmother!
  • Is there a mess-up of the month award?
  • My brain has a mind of its own sometimes.

5. Stand Up to an Angry Person

Staying calm frustrates the manipulator, and shows them that you are not someone to manipulate. Staying calm proves your strength to the tester. If your attempts to defuse fail and if you believe that you are dealing with a tester or manipulator, speak up on your own behalf. Some words to avoid are:

— You’re manipulating me. (They probably don’t realize it.)

— Shut up! (Inflames and sounds helpless.)

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Tell an Angry Person How to Treat You, such as:

  • I care about your problem and when you speak to me in this way, I cannot focus on solutions.
  • I want to hear what you have to say, but not in this way.
  • I am here to find resolution. I am not here to be verbally abused. One more comment like that and I will no longer listen.

  • Are you aware that you are blasting the very person who can help you?

  • When you speak to me in this way, I do not feel moved to help you.
  • I am concerned about your problem and uncomfortable with the way you are expressing it.
  • Speaking to me in this way is totally unacceptable.
  • When you are calm, I will be happy to listen to your concerns.

6. Going for a Solution to Defuse Anger

Use a PowerPhrase to Focus on the Solution, such as:

  • Let’s fix the problem, instead of blame.
  • What can I do for you now?
  • How do you see us resolving this problem?

PowerPhrases for Dealing With Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-aggression comes in four main forms.

  • Mixed messages. (“Not bad for a novice.”)
  • Tone of voice conflicts with literal meaning of wording. (“So glad you could make it!” in a sarcastic tone that emphasizes the word “make.”)
  • Gestures conflict with words. (Saying “of course” while rolling the eyes.)
  • Actions conflict with words. (Saying, “Let’s do it your way!” but not following through.)

People are passive-aggressive for three reasons.

  • They do not know how to or do not feel safe with communicating directly.
  • They can get away with it.
  • They are unconscious of their actions.

Do not say:

— You lie! (Accusatory)

— Oh yeah? Right! (Sarcastic and passive-aggressive)

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Address Passive-Aggres- sive Behavior Directly, such as:

  • Is something bothering you that we need to address? I care about our relationship. If there is something we need to resolve, let’s do it.
  • I am confused because your words say everything is fine, but your tone of voice implies it’s not. What’s going on?
  • What do you mean by…?
  • That remark sounded sarcastic and condescending to me. Did you mean it that way?
  • When you say xxx, this is what I hear xxx. Is that what you mean?
  • I thought I heard a dig. Did I?
  • When you said xxx, I heard xxx. That hurts!

If they accuse you of being too sensitive, you do not need to automatically deny it. Avoid saying:

— No, I am not! (Sounds defensive and you are playing their game, not yours.)

You can simply respond by saying:

  • That may be. If I am sensitive, I think it is important for you to know how your words affect me.
  • If you believe I am sensitive, why do you make comments like that?
  • This is not an issue of sensitivity. This is an issue of…

If they say it was just a joke, you can tell them:

  • If you intended it as a joke, you need to know that I did not find it funny. Instead of being amused, I was hurt.
  • Sometimes I use humor to mask put-downs or to communicate issues indirectly. If that is what you are doing, and if there is something you need to tell me, please tell me directly.

PowerPhrases for Negotiations to Get You What You Want

The hardest part about having a successful negotiation is in being able to picture the possibility.

The second hardest part is to know what to say.

Pre-negotiation Essentials Research Before Beginning to Negotiate

Before you embark on your negotiation, find out:

  1. What are the standards in the area, and what is a reasonable range?
  2. What do you want and what are you willing to accept?
  3. What are they likely to want and why?
  4. What are your deadlines as well as theirs?
  5. What are their options if you cannot come to agreement and what alternatives do you have? (This is called walk-away power.)

As part of your research, talk to:

  1. People who have already negotiated with the per- son or organization you will be negotiating with.
  2. People who work with the person or team you will be negotiating with. For example, the design department can provide you with useful information about the sales department.
  3. Neighbors or neighboring business people.
  4. The person you will be negotiating with.

PowerPhrases to Get Information About the Other Person’s Situation：

  • What pressures are they under?
  • What deadlines are they under?
  • What is the mood in the organization right now?
  • What kind of arrangements have they made with others either currently or in the past?
  • If I offered xxxx, would I be in the ballpark?
  • What alternatives do they have to making a deal with me?
  • How willing are they to take a risk in this matter?
  • To whom does the negotiator answer?
  • Why do they want what they do? What need are they trying to meet?
  • How flexible are they?
  • How do they decide…?

Set the Tone

Avoid saying:

— Let’s negotiate. — I’ll do whatever it takes to win your business. — I’ll have you seeing things my way in no time.

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Initiate a Negotiation, such as:

  • If we could work out a plan that benefits us both, would you be interested?
  • Let’s come to an agreement on this.
  • Let’s work together to find a plan that works for both of us.
  • I am here to work with you.
  • Let’s discuss the situation and come up with a solution we both are happy with. I do not want either of us to agree to anything that does not satisfy both our needs.
  • We have a challenge. Let’s find a solution together.
  • I’m convinced that we can find an agreement that we both like.
  • I have an idea I want to share with you. I need 15 minutes of your undivided attention. Would 3:00 this afternoon work?

To help create a relaxed attitude, personalize the conversation. Use their name, and make it a conversation between two people, not two positions. Avoid saying:

— ABC Widgets has a proposal they would like to make to XYZ Whatis.

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Personalize the Negotiation, such as:

  • Kathy, I would like to discuss the deal I can offer you.
  • Bill, sit down and get comfortable before we begin.
  • Matt, I believe we have a lot to offer each other.
  • Janet, I can tell that you are very experienced in this area.

Determine Authority

PowerPhrases to Find the Decision Maker, such as:

  • Who else would you need to consult before we can come to final terms?
  • If we reach an agreement, will anyone else have to approve?
  • How does it work around here? Is this a decision you can make?
  • If we reach an agreement today, can we move ahead?
  • If we came to an agreement here today, what would your next step be?
  • If we strike a deal, can you approve it?
  • Is there someone else involved in this agreement with you?
  • If you are happy with what we conclude here, when can we get started?

If someone else does need to be consulted, either say:

  • I am unwilling to negotiate without the decision maker present.

Or say:

  • I would be happy to sit in on meetings with the final decision maker to provide backup information.

Graciously Asking Probing Questions

Use a PowerPhrase to Solicit Their Position, such as:

  • What goals do you have for today?

  • How would you like to see this discussion turn out?

  • Is there anything you want me to know?
  • What do you see as our common ground here?
  • Tell me what you want from me/us.
  • I want to make certain this turns out in a way that works for everybody. How do you see that happening?
  • How will you know…(which supplier you want)?

Listen, listen, and listen to what they have to say. You will do your best negotiating when you do far more listening than talking!

Use a PowerPhrase to Ask Clarifying Questions in Negotiations, such as:

  • Could you expand on that?

  • Please give me more details about…

  • I need more precise information about that last point.

  • Is there anything else we need to discuss that would add significant cost to us?

  • Have I summarized everything?

    Paraphrase their offers back to them, using a PowerPhrase to Clarify Understanding, such as:

  • Am I correct in understanding that…?
  • I think I understand what you are saying, but I want to be certain I know just what you mean. Are you saying that…?
  • What I understand you to be saying is…
  • Let me check to see if I understand you correctly. Are you saying that…?

Maintaining Early Neutrality

No matter how unreasonable or exciting their offer seems to you in the beginning, maintain a sense of neutrality early in the negotiation. Get a complete picture before you respond to the pieces.

Even if you feel your very survival depends on working out a deal, avoid saying:

— I’ve got to have this or I’ll die! — This is exactly what I’ve been looking for! — That’s a terrific buy! — You are our only supplier.

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Sound Calm in Negotiation, such as:

  • I think we might be able to work out a deal.
  • What you have could work for me.
  • Let’s talk specifics and see if there is a way we can make this work.

Early neutrality keeps your options open.

Making Your Offer

When you are ready to make an offer, state your needs and offers clearly and confidently. Avoid:

— I really don’t like asking you to do this but… — I was hoping that maybe you possibly could… — You probably won’t want to, but…

Use a PowerPhrase for Making an Offer, such as:

  • I propose that…
  • In my view, a fair solution would be…
  • I strongly recommend that…
  • One solution that I see working for us both is…
  • One fair arrangement would be…
  • If we do xxx,, it would benefit you by xxx.

Use specific amounts. Don’t say:

— I’ll give you around $3000.

Instead, use a PowerPhrase for Stating a Specific Amount or Commitment, such as:

  • I am prepared to offer $2973.

  • I will have this completed by June 13 at 3:30 PM.

State your needs clearly. Without being frivolous, ask for what you really want, not just what you think you can get.

  • What I want is xxx. What this would mean to you is xxx.
  • What I want is xxx by xxx because xxx.

Use PowerPhrases to Communicate Value to Them, such as:

  • What this means for you is…
  • I can help you by…
  • Obviously xxxx is important to you. I can help you with…
  • One of the advantages I/we offer is…

If you have areas of weakness, minimize the impact by addressing them directly.

Use a PowerPhrase to Minimize Weakness, such as:

  • Although we do not have the experience you normally require, what we do offer is…

  • What we offer instead of…is…

  • It is true that xxx is not our strong point; however, it is a minor issue in this discussion.

Then move on to emphasize the parts of the deal that they like.

Get feedback from them regarding your offer by using a PowerPhrase to Solicit Feedback for Your Offers, such as:

• What do you think of this idea?

• Do you have any concerns with this proposal?

• What do you like about my offer?

If their expectations are unrealistic, let them know with- out offending. Avoid saying:

— It’s not fair.

— You’re way off base.

Instead, use a PowerPhrase to Suggest the Range, such as:

• That offer is not competitive. • I cannot come close to that. • Those expectations are unrealistic. • My budget is not close to your range.

If they do not respond immediately, remain silent until they do.

Give and Take in Negotiations

If their initial offer is ridiculously low or ridiculously high, steer clear of the following Poison Phrases:

  • Oh no! This is going to cost me more than I thought!
  • You’re crazy!
  • That’s highway robbery!
  • What is your problem?
  • I disagree.

Instead, consider not countering. Be prepared with PowerPhrase Responses to Their Offers. Say:

  • That’s an interesting offer.
  • Let’s get serious.
  • I’m confused. (Silence)
  • I can begin to negotiate seriously with you when you recommend ideas that are reasonable.
  • I believe you want to be fair with me, but this offer is not reasonable.
  • That offer tells me that you are not serious about coming to an agreement. Am I right?

Alternatively, you can counter with your own extreme offer.

  • If that is your initial offer, my initial offer will be as extreme in the other direction.

Or you can ask:

  • Where did you get that figure?
  • What caused you to decide on that…(price, deadline, specification)?
  • If you were in my seat would you consider that a serious offer?

Even when offers are within range or better than you imagined, consider going after a sweeter deal, if only to make them feel good about the deal they make. When you accept an offer too quickly, they will think that they went too cheap. If it is a reasonable offer, affirm that with a PowerPhrase to Express Partial Disagreement, such as:

  • Your offer is reasonable for the most part. There are some areas that concern me…
  • While I agree on the whole, I have trouble agreeing with the point about…

You can counter their offer by using a PowerPhrase to Counter an Offer, such as:

  • I can offer you xxx, if you can give me xxx.
  • I understand you feel your price is justified. However, I can only pay…
  • I need… because…
  • That’s not what I had in mind.
  • I need you to do better than that.
  • The best I can do is…
  • Is that the best you can do?
  • What is your bottom line?
  • Let’s brainstorm options together.

Brainstorming

PowerPhrase to Initiate the Brainstorming Process：

  • I’ve run out of ideas. How do you think we can resolve this?
  • What do you REALLY want?
  • What’s the craziest solution you can think of to this problem?
  • How can we expand on the ideas we already have on the table?
  • Suppose we were to…
  • What if…
  • Let’s assume…

Dealing With Objections and Tactics

When they state an objection, use a PowerPhrase to Overcome Objec- tions, such as:

  • I understand how you feel. Many others have felt the same way. What they found was xxx.
  • Are you saying that if I can satisfy this objection, we would have a deal?
  • Is that the only barrier between you and an agreement?
  • It’s because I know that you are concerned with (their objection) that I think this is a fabulous offer for you.
  • What makes you say that?
  • What’s keeping you from getting the best?

Need to Think About It

Use a PowerPhrase to Counter Their Need to Think About It, such as:

  • What questions remain?
  • Could you think about it out loud?
  • I can help you to think about it if you will tell me what your concerns are.

Good Guy–Bad Guy

Use a PowerPhrase to Challenge the Good Guy–Bad Guy Game, such as:

  • You aren’t going to play good guy/bad guy with me, are you?
  • I think ___ is playing bad guy, but let’s not approach it that way. Let’s take the win-win approach.

to be continue….

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